


Unemployment!

by BabeManicone



Category: Hm ;)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22000003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabeManicone/pseuds/BabeManicone
Summary: The year is 2003. She’s pregnant with no job and a lot of time and money to waste. All of her friends have lives of their own so what’s a girl to do but start blogging?
Relationships: Mm? Her and herself
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Unemployment!

Beyoncé loves the holidays. <—— Almost the truest statement ever made. Today, I’ve been challenged to find something nice to say about pretty much every holiday and I think I’m pretty well equipped. I’m pretty great at finding a diamond in the rough so let’s attempt:

New Years: A new beginning, you get to reset your life, start anew, forgive old offenses, quite possibly take new ones and that’s ideal for a person such as myself. I can be a phoenix, rising through the glittering ashes of one career venture to a new one.

Dr. Martin Luther King Day: Okay. How could I not respect the man who gave the famous “I Have a Dream” speech? I too, frequently have dreams that people call crazy and my dreams also feature me and a white guy coming together! Plus, black people absolutely do not have to go to work on that day. Thank you, Dr King.

Groundhog Day: That little fuzzy bitch cracks me up each year. Love it!

Valentine’s Day: I love chocolate and I love hearts. It’s almost the perfect day.

Mardi Gras: Love the color scheme, love beads, love parades and I love titties??? What’s not to like?

St. Patrick’s Day: Beyoncé can totally vibe with the irish!

April Fools Day: Last year it fell on a Monday so I called out for him, set back all the clocks and switched out the calendar so Jordan could spend the day with me and not go to work on a holiday like a crazy person. He woke up all confused and I was like :) “it’s Sunday you big dummy” and then I kept him in bed all day and he let me curl his hair. It was great! Don’t try it at home, like, if he wasn’t his own boss he could’ve lost his job lol.

Passover: I got to spend it with my husbands family before and it was a beautiful, eye opening experience. Congress should absolutely give the Jewish people of the United States and beyond this time period off and we as a people need to learn more about it!

Easter: I bet you don’t think I know much about this holiday but how could I not study the iconic return of the lord and savior. Who else stunted on death this hard? 

Earth Day: Save the trees! What have they ever done to anyone?

Mother’s Day: Listen, as I type this Mother’s Day is approaching and this year not only am I a mother to an already existing child, I have one in the oven. The gift that is on it’s way...it’s gonna be batshit. I may die. Also, my mom is still pretty amazing and I don’t mind my mother in law that much either. Shoutout to them!

Memorial Day: I don’t actually know or understand anyone who died in the act of service so I just take this day and reflect on my memories instead. It keeps me down to earth.

Father’s Day: Blah blah, my dad’s a famed arsonist blah blah that’s fine I have a great step dad! I will say, this one might actually bum me out a little, only because my E.B.D (English Baby Daddy) has so much that I do t know what to buy him! Normally, I would improvise but sadly by the time it swings around I’ll be too spherical to dip it low or pick it up slow. Any suggestions that don’t come from Christina Milian?

4th of July: So, patriotism is not my thing and neither are fireworks, HOWEVER any excuse to eat grilled food and I’m there.

Labor Day: A day that calls for me to step out in an all white outfit? Thank you!

Grandparents Day: My kids grandparents are pretty good at it so far! They deserve their little day. Wish they’d press the issue and get us a day off though.

Columbus Day: No positive words for this ugly man or his day!

Boss’s Day: I actually didn’t know this was a thing until I got married and wanted an excuse to show up to his job so that should say what I use it for.

Halloween: I like candy and I like dressing up but right now I’m kind of obsessed with how my child cannot say the word pumpkin to save her life.

Veteran’s Day: Anyone who dedicates their life to the wellbeing of our animals deserves their day. Keep up the good work guys.

Thanksgiving: Anyone have a wild guess on what the pregnant lady’s looking forward to most about Thanksgiving? No? The football game. Duh.

Black Friday: I’m sure my mom really loves this day.

Christmas: It’s only the most wonderful time of year! The presents! The tree decorating! The presents! The food! The presents! The lights! The food and the presents! Plus I force my family to wear ugly sweaters and pajama bottoms every year. ‘Tis the season bitches.


End file.
